day
one
B.
S. Benev
To
Mira,
for easily convincing me to stop writing
i
Late, late, always fucking late.
Why is it that I’m late only when I have to be on time?
It’s not really my fault, of course. How can I be on time when these sheets are so soft, this bed so cosy? I don’t understand why I can’t just go sheets and all. Then I would never be late because I would never have to weigh up the loss of this cotton world.
I suppose such ponderings are only hypothetical. How many times have I been told that it just isn’t possible? It just isn’t the way people behave.
In my opinion, if people did behave that way, everyone would be a lot happier. Especially Monday mornings.
Perhaps it would be a little difficult to get around, play or get anything done, but it would save on a lot of the aggravation and misplaced anger which seems to come from being forcibly removed from our little cocoons each morning.
If it weren’t for this self-defeating line of thought I could have been downstairs by now. Reflection really is a curse.
Are you up? Come down…
Coming
Well I guess that’s decided: here I stay.
See, once I have made contact, it resets any expectation for me to show up immediately. That should give me at least a minute or two more peace from all but myself.
At some point I should put all of these deep and meaningful thoughts to one side. There is a lot to plan today. Today is a new beginning, a new start.
It would be silly to say that I’m not in the least bit apprehensive but at the same time, how bad could it be?
When one hasn’t experienced something it is difficult to weigh up its pros and cons.
All will become pretty evident soon.
I am quite excited though. New people, new settings. I wonder what the first person I meet will be like. I hope they’re not stupid. If it is one thing I hate it is stupid, self-centred people. Unfortunately I seem to come across more and more stupid people. And it’s not only us, it’s the old ones too. How does this world work if it is composed of such simple people interested in nothing other than themselves?
Somehow all of these stupid people have to come together and make a world which, apparently, works but I honestly cannot figure out how they do it.
Lying here probably won’t find any answers.
I said come down right now…
Coming!
At least now I have a rational reason to get up. We all know what happens if we don’t listen.
The floor feels cold. These polished wooden boards might have been hotly recommended on that vapid design show but right now I would much rather a thick woollen rug under my chilly toes.
And why the hell are my socks on the other side of the room?
This must be what walking on a sea of glass would feel like.
Is that too dramatic? It doesn’t make a lot of sense, for one thing.
Has anyone ever had to literally walk on a sea of glass? If they did, I would hope they had a pretty good reason to do it. You never know though. So many different people on this world doing all sorts of things I can barely get my head around. Surely someone at some point has had to face a similar situation.
Of course, it might have been a sea of nails. I guess any large body of sharp things would do – the experience would be similarly unpleasant. It wouldn’t even need to be as dramatic as a ‘sea’, come to think of it: a pool, pond or puddle would suffice.
It’s too early in the morning to be sinking in clichés.
In future if I just sleep with my socks on I can avoid all of these depressing lines of thought. What’s the use in forcing such heavy thought on myself when it can be avoided simply by not taking off my socks?
It would save on time too. Not to mention the two or three times I’ve lost my balance and fallen over while trying to put them on.
Maybe there are other everyday tasks I can simplify. Perhaps it would be worthwhile setting aside a rainy day to sit down and work out which of the many daily tasks I can optimise.
Actually, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
Two things come out at me immediately. Firstly, it will take time to work out what I’m spending too much time doing… that’s a little pointless.
Secondly, why should everything be optimised in the first place? Who said that things are better if they are perfect?
It sounds like a statement which doesn’t need to be justified but it’s not such an easy answer to me.
Wouldn’t everything be really dull if it were perfect? Nothing would be out of place. There would be no creak or screak anywhere.
I like creaks and screaks. They bring life to otherwise dead things. They make you notice things you would otherwise overlook.
I doubt such imperfections would exist in an optimised world. That would be boring. I’ll have to agree with myself on this one – a perfect world is not something for me.
All my things are downstairs aren’t they? We left them there ready yesterday so I don’t forget anything.
Everyone is always telling me I’d forget myself if I could. What a stupid thing to say! How can I forget myself? Even if I did it would be no bad thing. If I forgot myself it would be impossible to realise I had been forgotten. I would happily go about my days without realising I had forgotten myself.
Probably wouldn’t be the first to do it anyway.
ii
Have some juice with breakfast, you’ll need the energy today…
Thank you
Why will I need the energy? It is a new day and a new start but how much change can I really expect?
To be frank, I haven’t experienced a great deal of change until now so there is a good dose of scepticism going into today. How much can one person’s life change in a day, 24 hours. Not even that actually. If you think about it, the only part of the day that matters is the part you remember: the part you are awake for. That can’t be more than 16 hours in any day. On top of that, in my case anyway, there is the occasional nap in the early afternoon.
There’s nothing wrong with a nap. It focuses the mind and prepares one for the rest of the day. I’ve noticed a lot of people become twitchier as the day goes on. If everyone set aside a couple of hours a day to have a nap I doubt they would have that problem.
Why are we told how many vegetables we need to eat a day but now how many naps we should take? I hate vegetable but I love naps. It seems the news people have it all wrong.
If I had my own news channel I would be able to tell people the truly important things in life.
I would work really hard to make it a big, important news channel and people would believe what I had to say simply because my channel was the biggest and the most important-sounding.
Already I have a fondness for big, complicated words. Now all I need is a camera and a room to film in.
One step at a time: have to drink this juice first.
There are probably other people out there who also believe in their opinions. Why don’t they go out and tell them to people?
Either it is more complicated than it sounds or people don’t believe in those opinions enough.
Look what you did! It went everywhere…
I’m sorry
For fucks sake! Either somebody moved that glass or I’m spending too much time in my head and not enough time in the real world.
We got this shirt specially for today, I have to wear it. If we don’t have another, I’m not sure what I’ll do.
It’s important to start new beginnings on the right foot. First impressions, it’s all about first impressions.
Is everyone so busy that one look is all you get? Life is much longer than that ¼ second it takes to form a first impression yet they seem to weigh a lot more than the time it takes to grow them.
I’m guilty of it myself. So many people I meet I judge based on the instant I met them. The more people I get to know, though, the more I realise those first impressions aren’t always correct.
Some people are better at judging others but chance still plays a big part in it.
For example: people who meet me today will instantly know me as that scruffy one with juice completely covering the upper part of his body.
In fact, I very rarely have juice covering any part of my body, let alone the whole upper part. Also I have to admit I am quite conscious of my looks so I am rarely scruffy. Yet the people who see me today won’t know that. There is no use in trying to explain it because explanations take time and people don’t have time to listen.
If I change my shirt to a different one people might think I don’t have enough money to buy the right one. Why I don’t have more than one appropriate shirt is a different question all together. Why there is an ‘appropriate’ shirt is perhaps the most interesting question.