She is, but he Ain’t
By
Dara Nichole Walker
Published byDar Nichole at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 Dara Nichole
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Chapter 1
“This was the last time Joshua was going to do this to me.”
I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and reached for my cell phone.
“No calls, typical.”
All men were dogs was becoming to be my conclusion, or maybe it was just Joshua. It hurt so bad because with him, I had actually let Joshua in. I mean I really opened up to him. We spent a good amount of time together, late night phone calls, breakfast dates, and even weekend trips up north. Though I was scheduled around his many client meetings, lunches with his mom, and Saturday evenings with his fraternity brothers, he would try to squeeze time in for me, which was beginning to be no time at all.
I dialed his number on my phone and let it ring. No answer. He was absolutely useless. I threw myself on the couch and let my arm dangle as I threw the phone on the floor.
“I hope he doesn’t call anyway, all he’s gonna do is just try to apologize. Abrielle, I’m sorry baby, I had a client meeting, Abrielle, baby my mom needed me to run an errand for her. Blah blah.”
More tears fell down my check and fell to the floor as I thought about how I felt, stupid. Stupid for letting him become a major part of my life. Stupid for believing his lies, and stupid for buying a new outfit and getting all dressed up for nothing.
“Ring, ring.”
I reached across the living room floor and reluctantly looked at the caller id.
“Hey Jasmine,” I was actually relieved it was her and not Joshua. I didn’t want him to hear the tremble in my voice.
“Hey girl, what’s poppin’!” Jasmine was always lively; throughout our eight years of friendship I didn’t remember her having a bad day. I managed to scrape myself off the couch in an upright position so she didn’t get the full effect of my miserable state.
“Girl, me and Joshua were supposed to go out, and of course that was an hour ago. So I’m just gonna go put on my pajamas, grab an ice cream out the fridge, and watch T.V.
“Girl, whateva! He is not worth you wasting a perfectly beautiful Saturday night. Let’s go hang out.”
I was so not in the mood.
“Jas, girl, I just wanna chill, I’m not really fee-”
“I’m not gonna here it Abrielle, I’ll be there in twenty minutes, and make sure you wear some cute pumps.” She hung up before I could respond.
Why couldn’t she just let me feel sorry for myself? I was perfectly happy being miserable. Here she goes being a good friend. I peeled myself off the couch and smoothed out my skirt. I guess this was for the better, I mean at least I could get my mind off of him.
“Abrielle, what time you leavin?” My mom shouted from the basement.
“In about fifteen minutes.” I should have told her now, so she wouldn’t ask me to make a run for a pack of cigarettes of a Pepsi.
“Can you run to-” I knew it.
“No, mom, Jasmine’s gonna be here soon, and I have to be ready.” I ran up to the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to deal with her yelling back and forth at me for the next fifteen minutes. I looked in the mirror and smoothed my swoop with my finger tips. I was beautiful, why didn’t Joshua see that? I just didn’t understand why he didn’t want to be with me. I pulled my lipstick out of my purse and applied an extra coat so it would show up brightly. I then fixed my necklace and put some lotion on my hands. Before I had a chance to do anything else Jasmine was beeping her horn. I was actually getting excited to go out with her.
“Hey girl!” I jumped in the car and immediately threw all the crap that was in her front seat in the back.
“When are you gonna clean this car?” she giggled and I shook my head.
“Girl I ain’t thinking about that right now, anyway you ready for tonight.” Jasmine had the biggest smile on her face.
“Where are you taking me Jasmine!”
“Well,” She pulled the car in reverse out of the driveway and began to drive down the street.
“You know that new lounge opened up tonight Twenty Four, and my co-worker’s cousin is the bouncer, so he said he could get us in.”
“Jasmine, you know I don’t do the club scene.” I was beginning to think this was gonna be a bad idea.
“Bri, it’s a lounge, we can chill and talk and look at cute guys. And you know all the hotties are gonna be there tonight, trust me, you will have a good time.”
****
We parked halfway down the street and walked up to the line, which was wrapped around the building. This was one of the main reasons I hated going to clubs.
“Jasmine, do you even know what he looks like?” I was very skeptical of this hook up.
“Bri, that’s him. Hey, Dawan! It’s me, Jasmine!”
Jasmine ran up to the front of the line in her nine inch heels and shirt skirt and put her hand on Dawan’s shoulder. At first he didn’t look to convinced that he knew her, but after a short conversation, and an exchange of phone numbers, we were in.
It was dark, smoky, and loud. There was a huge dance floor with no one it, and two bars on either side of the lounge. There were areas that had couches, and chairs, and it looked like an upstairs that had a few areas for a VIP section. We quickly found an area with a couch and a table and decided to watch the scenery.
After an hour, people started to flood in the door, the music started getting louder, and the bar was crowded.
“Ooh, he is cute!” Jasmine pointed at a caramel colored guy across the way staring at her. He was dressed really nice, Blazer, jeans and a nice pair of shoes.
“Jasmine, I think he’s looking at you.” I smiled at her.
“If he wants me, he can come and get me.” She laid back in her chair and crossed her legs. Right after she leaned back, old dude with the blazer started walking across the room. Wow, was this really happening for her? She always got the cute ones.
“Hi, my name is Ellington.” He extended his hand to me and I looked shocked. Jasmine sat up in her seat and smiled at me.
“Um, hi I’m Abrielle.”
“Abrielle, that’s a pretty name, for a pretty lady. May I sit down?” Wow.
“Sure, Ellington.” I smiled and slid over. He was so fine. Even though it was dark, I could see his eyes taking me in, but not in a creepy way.
“So, how did you find out about this place?” I wanted to make conversation, and that’s the first thing that came to mind.
“Oh, my friend dragged me out here. I hate clubs and stuff, I just came with him. What about you?”
“I drug her here!” Jasmine was sure to not be ignored. She sat up in her seat and extended her hand to Ellington.
“I’m Jasmine, Ellington, Abrielle’s bestfriend.”
“Nice to meet you Jasmine.” He quickly acknowledged her presence and turned back to me.
“So Abrielle, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m an advertising consultant for Mandabagh Downtown.” He was so engrossed in everything I had to say, I couldn’t believe that this man could be so interested in me. After about twenty minutes of us talking and laughing Jasmine tapped me on the shoulder.
“Abrielle, I hate to break up your convo and all, but isn’t that Joshua walking through the door?”
I turned to the front to see Joshua, with some girl on his arm. He walked her to the bar, kissed her on the neck and ordered a drink. I wanted to tear up right then and there, but I was frozen.
Chapter 2
“ Is that your man?” Ellington looked at me confused. I really didn’t know how to answer that question.
“Not anymore he ain’t!” Jasmine stood up over me, and grabbed my arm.
“You need to go talk to him, he ain’t right, and you need to set his raggedy tail straight.”
What did I have to lose? I could go over there, embarrass him in front of his “Girl”, tell him off, and look like a woman scorn in front of the whole club, or I could sit here, with Ellington, hold all my feelings in, and cry when I got home. At least those were the two options to pop into my head at the moment.
“Jasmine, sit down, and Ellington, no, that is not my man. He’s not even important right now.” I smiled a flirty smile at Ellington hoping deep down that Joshua would see me laughing at all of Ellington’s corny jokes, and that he would watch me gently placing my hand on Ellington’s arm every time I wanted to flirt harder.
“Would you like to dance?” Ellington stood up and looked me in my eyes.
“Definitely.” He grabbed my hand and took me to the middle of the dance floor. I Had to honestly admit, this evening was turning out to be a lot better than I expected. But why was I still thinking about Joshua? I wondered if he had seen me with Ellington, or if he even cared. Was he too drunk, or too engulfed in the whoremonger he brought with him to even notice that I was here?
“Umm, Abrielle, you good? Ellington swayed toward me, grabbed my hands and twirled me around on the dance floor. Why was it so easy for him to bring a smile to my face?
“I’m good.” I shimmied lightly toward him, and his eyes lit up. We were so cute together. My light caramel skin glistened under the lights, and as the beat began to slow down Ellington Grabbed my hands, turned me around and pulled me close. His skin was a smooth mocha color. I laid my head back on his chest and felt the stubble from his goatee. He was so fine, and this moment so had to be a dream.
“Ellington,” I turned myself around and he pulled me just a little toward him.
“Yes,” His eyes stared into mine and I had butterflies in my stomach. His light brown almond shaped eyes were too gorgeous.
“What do you do for a living? You never told me.” At this point, I was kinda nervous. Usually men with good jobs are ready to blurt out what they do almost before they ask you what your name is. Maybe this was going to be the problem.
“Well, promise you won’t laugh.” By this time we were just two -stepping to the beat.
“I promise I won’t.”
“I am a writer of cards.” I looked at him totally baffled.
“What, um, is that Ellington?”
“Well, you know when you buy a Christmas card, a birthday card, or a “Just thinking of you card?”
“Yes,”
“I write those for a major company. That’s my full time job. Hey,where is your friend?” I had totally forgotten about Jasmine for like fifteen minutes.
“Oh, I don’t know, let me go see if she’s still at the table.” We walked over to the area where we were sitting, and low and behold, Jasmine was surrounded by two men dancing and having a good time.
“She’s good Ellington.” We snickered.
“That’s good, look Abrielle, I would really like to see you again, can I have your number?” We exchanged phone numbers, hugged and parted ways. Now I was ready to go home.
“Jasmine, hey girl, I’m ready.” I grabbed her from in between the two guys, grabbed her purse and pulled her toward the door.
“Bri, but what if I wasn’t ready, the party was just gettin’ started with Rico and Julio!” We laughed and started walking toward the car.
It was so cold outside, and by the time we got to the car my hands were freezing.
“So did you have a good time With Ellington?” Jasmine unlocked the doors, and slid her body into the cold front seat.
“Yes, he was so cute, and so sweet. So we will see how that goes.” We sat in the car for a minute to let it warm, and right when we were ready to pull out of the parking spot a black impala with tinted windows blocked us in.
“Who in the world is blocking us from leaving?” Jasmine looked nervous and angry at the same time.
“Girl, who else, Joshua.” I rolled my eyes as he got out of the driver’s seat with the car still running and walked over to my side of the car.
“Unlock the door Bri.” I looked at Jasmine and she folded her arms.
“Baby, who was that guy you was dancin’ with? You didn’t think I saw you, did you?” Baby, come talk to me.” Hearing the desperation in his voice softened my heart to what he was saying. I rolled down the window and he leaned in and smiled at me.
“Hey Bri-Bri, come take a ride with me.” I sat back and continued looking forward.
“Baby, that girl was my cousin. She wasn’t anybody. You see I’m here with you right now. I got so much love for you. Come and take a ride with me.” I knew if I looked at him I would instantly melt. I couldn’t do this to myself again. Just four hours ago this man had me on my living room floor crying, and now I can’t imagine not being with him.
“Joshua, why didn’t you call me and tell me you weren’t going to make it tonight? You had me gettin’ dressed and waiting for you?” I put on my angriest face. I thought it was pretty convincing.
Joshua slowly reached in the car, unbuckled my seatbelt and kissed me on the cheek.
“Baby, with all my heart it will never happen again.” Operation meltdown was in effect.
“Now, just come take a ride with me, so we can talk. Baby, you know I can’t be without you. It was a reason we was both here tonight. Now we can go somewhere and figure it out.” He slowly opened the door, grabbed my hand and walked me to his car. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.
“Jasmine, I’ll call you when I get home.” She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head.
“Just have him let me out, and Abrielle,”
“Yes, Jasmine.”
“He ain’t no good, and you know it. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time, but you grown. Call me in the morning.” Jasmine pulled off and I jumped in the passenger seat of Joshua’s impala.
Chapter 3
Before Joshua could get anything out of his mouth his phone rang.
“Let me get this baby.” He answered the phone as we sped off down the street. Was I this easy? Did all he have to do was sweet talk me, and I would be back in his arms? Maybe he realized how important I was to him, and maybe he was changed. At least that was my hope.
“Hey, what up wit chu?” I looked over at him hoping he was going to get off the phone soon.
“I’m out dude, I’mma call you later.”
“Who was that calling you at 2 in the morning?” I turned around in my seat and faced him.
“Baby that was my cousin, chill out man, that jealous stuff ain’t cute.” He turned up the music, laid back and sped down the freeway. So, how all of a sudden did he go from being sweet to mean? I reached down in my purse to get my lip gloss and noticed my phone vibrating.
“Hello.” I was surprised anybody would even call me this late.
“Uh, hi Abrielle, it’s Ellington.” A big smile came to my face. Then I thought about the fact that I just met him, and he was already calling. Should I be weirded out, or excited?
“Hey Ell- uh, how are you?” I looked over at Joshua and tried to play it off.
“Well, I just wanted to make sure you got home safely. I saw that dude you were talking about hanging outside the club, wanted to make sure you were good.” He was so sweet. Why was I in this car with Joshua again?
“That’s cool, but let me call you tomorrow, ok bye.” I hung up before Joshua could even say anything.
“Who was that?”
“Why you so worried? You don’t care about me; you just don’t want me talkin’ to no one else.” I sat back in my chair and folded my arms.
He looked at me, and frowned up.
“Bri, if anything I’m the only person who gon’ put up wit yo mess. These dudes out here don’t want you. You nothin’ to them. That dude you met in the club, he was just passin’ the time. You stuck up, you not that cute, and you still stay at home wit yo mama and you 27. Be happy that I want you.”
I was so angry I was burning up on the inside. My hands balled up into tight fists as I took deep breaths to keep the tears back. I started to think of all the times he told me I was overweight, that I wasn’t attractive enough, or not good enough. The times where he would tell me I dressed horrible and wanted me to dress like this person or that. My heart started beating faster as I thought about all the times he cheated on me, lied to me, and stood me up for dates. How he wouldn’t take me around his friends, and that after two years of dating he never wanted to call me his “girlfriend”. My leg started to shake nervously as the tears fell involuntarily from my eyes. I unbuckled my seatbelt grabbed my purse and mustered through my tears to speak.
“Joshua, all these years you have treated me like I was nothing, all I have ever done for you is try to love with all of my heart and be what you want me to be. But, it seems as if that is not possible. Why are you with me anyway if I’m a waste of time!” My voice got stronger and louder.
“Bri, I’m just playin baby. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, you know I love you boo. Look lets go back to my place-”
“Joshua, take me home! I’m not going back nowhere with you. I’m tired of being treated like your booty call. You don’t care about me, you never have and you never will. Just take me home.” I plopped back in my seat, folded my arms, and wiped the tears away with my sleeve.
“Alright, if that’s what you want.” He put a new CD in the disc changer, turned the music up, and ignored me the rest of the ride home. At that moment, I knew that the hardest part of standing up for myself, was the part that included him taking me home, and not caring one bit about the tears or my feelings. Why did I care about this man so much?
***
Monday mornings were always rough. Especially when we had client meetings that lasted all day. I had totally forgotten we were meeting with one of our bigger clients today, and of course, as usual, I was half way looking a mess.
“Ms. Robinson, could you pass the budget analysis around please?”
“Not a problem, Mr. Kendo.” I had almost slipped into a daydream. As I passed around the budget analysis I started to rehash what happened Saturday night. I couldn’t believe I got in Joshua’s car. He was such a waste of time and I’m glad I left him alone. This time it was going to be for good. Plus, Ellington seemed like a really nice guy. Even though I never called him back from Saturday, I knew he was gonna call. Well At least that’s what I was hoping.
“Mr. Kendo, everyone is all set.” I sat back down in my corner and started playing with my phone. I wanted so badly to take off my shoes, but I knew that wouldn’t be appropriate in this setting. At least I could play it off with my phone and make it seem as If I was checking emails, reading my calendar, or doing something productive.
“ring, ring.” Everyone in the client meeting turned and looked at me.
“I’m sorry, I forgot to turn off my ringer. I’m gonna go take this in the hall.” I ran out of the room holding the phone close to my chest with my head down in pseudo shame.
“Hello,” My hope was for that special someone to call.
“Hey beautiful, it’s Ellington.” I was so glad to hear his voice.
“Hi Ellington how are you? I was trying to be so sweet and so discrete in the hallway at the same time.
“Brielle, I want to see you again.” Wow, he’s a man that knows what he wants.
“Well, Ellington, umm, when do you want to hang out?” I didn’t want to turn him down, but I didn’t want to seem too desperate.
“Tonight, meet me at the little Italian restaurant on 12th and main at 8pm.”
“Ellington, don’t you think it’s a little last minute-”
“I’m sorry Brielle, did you have other plans? I knew he was being sarcastic.
“No, Ellington. I will meet you there at 8. But I have to leave by 930 sharp.”
“Alright beautiful, I will see you then. I’ll have a surprise for you.”
“Ok, bye.”
“Bye.”
I was literally jumping on the inside. I did a little skip before I walked back into my meeting. Maybe letting go of Joshua was a good idea. I sat back in my chair with a big smile on my face. Pulled out my notepad, and started writing down my to-do list for the rest of the day. All of a sudden a text message comes through on my phone.
“What you doin” -Josh
I didn’t want to respond, but I had to, it just made sense.
“Workin’ wassup” –Bri Bri
“I miss you boo. I’m sorry for everything I said. Your perfect. I don’t want nobody but you. I’mma scoop you tonite after you get off so we can talk” – Josh
“Sorry Joshua, but I have plans, I won’t be home. Oh, but thanks for the apology” Bri Bri
“Where you gon be at? Look, I’mma be at your house at 7pm waitin’ for you. I love you, don’t do this to me” –Josh
“I understand Joshua, but I have a prior commitment, and I cannot break it” Bri Bri
“Is it old dude from the club?” –Josh
That was the last text message I sent. I finally turned my phone off because he kept texting me. Today was just not the day. At any rate, he had nerve to even ask about anyone else I was kicking it with. I wasn’t gonna lie though, I liked that fact that he was jealous.
I finally got home and immediately plopped on my bed. I was pooped. Not only was I physically drained from work, but also emotionally drained from dealing with Joshua. One minute he can’t be without me, and the next minute he could take me or leave me. What was up with that?
I looked through my closet to find something cute. After about forty five minutes I was dressed, with cute high heels and a matching purse. I walked down to the living room and sat down in the very same spot Joshua had left me sitting in time and time again. I thought about the tears I cried in this living room. The fights I had with myself about going back to him, the times we actually sat on this couch and enjoyed each others’ company. My memories of him were so bittersweet, mostly bitter, but unfortunately unforgettable.
“ring ring.” My phone rang and it was Ellington.
“Hey Ellington.” I was hoping that he wasn’t cancelling on me.
“Hey beautiful, I was wondering, would it be ok if I picked you up? I really don’t want you driving from this area back home that late.” He was just putting it on so thick. And I loved every moment of it.
“Of course, let me give you my address.” I told him the information, he put it in his GPS, and we hung up. Wow, an actual date. Now I was getting excited, time to apply a little more makeup. I ran upstairs to the bathroom, and applied some eyeliner, mascara, and touched up my eyeshadow, not even ten minutes later the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it!” I ran downstairs to let Ellington in, opened the door, and to my surprise, he was standing there, with a dozen red roses.
“Joshua, why are you here, and who are those flowers for?” I folded my arms and rolled my eyes.
“Baby, I told you I’m sorry. These are for you. You gonna invite me in.”
Chapter 4